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“I’m excited to share with you the very first review of my latest book The Yellow House: Self-Help Fantasy for the Chronically Lost. And who better to write it than one of the cast themselves? Thorne, the overly sarcastic cat from chapter 3, just couldn’t resist throwing in his two cents (and probably some cat hair).”
Ayhan AlmanInstigator of The Yellow House
3 Unhelpful Life Tips You’ll Find in The Yellow House
By Thorne, the Cat
When existential dread meets self-help fantasy, you get The Yellow House—a completely made-up genre for anyone grappling with life’s uncertainties, paired with unhelpful mindfulness exercises. The goal? To make you feel… something—better or worse, it’s entirely your choice.
It’s a collection of 12 confused souls, each fumbling through the messiness of life. Spoiler: they offer no real answers—just some half-hearted mindfulness exercises at the end. And if that’s not confusing enough, you’ll also discover how this chaos was brought to life—with a “supportive” agent, an editor from Hell, and thousands of imaginary research participants answering absurd questions like, “Which demographic regrets reading this book the least?”
Still reading? Well, here’s a preview of the top 3 life tips that’ll get you nowhere:
“Feeling Lost? Just Take a Nap.”
Life a bit too much? Just sleep through it. Forget the idea of tackling your problems head-on. You’ll either wake up feeling like everything’s magically sorted itself out, or… take another nap. Problems solved—or at least ignored.
“Don’t Know What You’re Doing? Perfect—Neither Does Anyone Else.”
The beauty of The Yellow House is realising that everyone’s as clueless as you. Forget pretending you’ve got your life together—embrace the confusion. Chaos is a lifestyle choice here. And why fight it when you can just laugh at the absurdity?
“Existential Crisis? Distract Yourself with Snacks.”
Forget therapy, self-reflection, or any of that useful stuff. Why not just grab a snack and let the world burn around you? Comfort eating isn’t just a coping mechanism; it’s a way of life when faced with existential dread.
So, should you get a copy of The Yellow House? Well, if you enjoy existential dread with a side of snacks, naps, and absolutely no real solutions—then, yes, obviously. If you’re looking for life-changing wisdom… maybe just grab a pillow instead. Either way, you’ll feel something.
